15 Moments every foreigner in France has experienced atleast once

Foreigners in France have this special type of bond even if we don’t know each other. It’s subtle but you know the kind of stuff I’m talking about. Sometimes it’s eye contact across a prefecture waiting room, or a knowing smile that says, “I’ve been there too,” or a shared wince when someone asks you to repeat yourself for the third time. There’s no explanation needed because that person has been exactly where you are and it’s the experience that does the explaining. Whether you’re a tourist on vacation, an expat, or an immigrant, I bet you’ve been there too.

Because no matter where you came from, or how prepared you were, we’ve all experienced moments like the ones I’ll get into below. So with that, let’s get into it!

15 Moments every foreigner in France has experienced atleast once

Here’s my collection of those moments. Read it as a reminder that whatever you’ve experienced here — the brain farts, the misunderstandings, the days when France felt completely overwhelming — that you’re not alone. We’ve all been there too and have gone on to build beautiful lives here anyway.

You’re in good company. 😉

1. Someone squinted at you when you opened your mouth.

FIX YOUR FACE! This one irks me to no end. You know the squint I’m talking about. It is a split second reaction to hearing you had an accent that they weren’t expecting. A slight narrowing of the eyes that triggers this almost imperceptible shift of someone adjusting to the fact that this conversation is going to require a little more from them than they initially anticipated.

You saw it. You were mid-sentence and something in you shrunk slightly, the way it does when you realize you’ve been identified as an outsider before you’ve even finished your thought.

I know people aren’t trying to be unkind, but this moment feels defeating in a way that’s hard to explain to someone who hasn’t felt it. It’s not a BIG DEAL but in the early days, it can take you down a few notches. There’s something vulnerable about opening your mouth in a foreign language and watching someone’s face register the accent before they’ve heard anything you’ve actually said can knock you off your game.

My advice is to just brush it off. It’s not something they’re doing on purpose to annoy you. It’s just concentration. The person doing it might not even realize they’ve squinted at you and might even be hard of hearing. It’s just something that happens like a reflex.

An unfamiliar accent requires a cognitive adjustment, I get it. The French are used to speaking French with other French people a certain way. They can be really snobby about it even to other French people. And I’ve seen people do this to foreigners speaking English too and I feel for them because I’ve been on the other side. It’s not personal but it can be annoying.

On days when you’re paraticularly down, remember this: Your accent points you out as someone who came from somewhere else and chose to be here anyway. It is evidence of courage and the fact that you speak more than one language. An accent is not a defect, for the record.

So forget about the squint. What’s fun is to squint back!

2. You confidently said something in French that turned out to mean something completely different.

Whoopsie. There is a rite of passage along the never-ending French language learning journey that you can’t prepare for. It’s not a question of if you’ll make an embarrassing mistake, it’s when. Well, unless you never open your mouth.

I used to do embarrassing things all the time. Heck, maybe I still do and no one has told me. Hmmm, maybe….. hahahah. Anyway, I’d open my mouth, get ready to spout out my carefully prepared sentence, deliver it with genuine confidence, and then see the other person’s expression, which would range from mild confusion to outright alarm.

Need an example? I meant to tell my father-in-law that I had played a game and instead used the verb for orgasm. That’s the kind of mistake you only make once. I’ve probably made embarrassing mistakes like this hundreds of times (and probably a bunch that I’m not even aware of like I said) but it’s normal.

Some common ones are translating the word preservatives literally, but préservatif in French actually means condom. If you don’t nail the pronunciation of baisser (to lower), it can mean f*ck (baiser) so be careful with that one. If you say je suis chaud instead of j’ai chaud (I’m hot, as in physically warm), you’ve inadvertently told someone you’re horny (but depending on the context, teenagers also use this to mean “I’m down” like ready to go have a good time, not necessarily sexually). And the list goes on….. 

These mistakes are mortifying in the moment and absolutely hilarious about 48 hours later. They are also the moments you learn the most because you remember not to do the same thing again!

3. You rehearsed an entire conversation in your head and then none of it went to plan.

This one is so real. Sometimes it still happens to me.

Been there too? You prepared. You stood outside the boulangerie or the pharmacy or the government office and you mentally rehearsed your lines. You knew what you were going to say, you anticipated the likely response, you had your follow-up ready. You walked in feeling cautiously prepared like a boss.

And then the person behind the counter said something that was not in your script. Or they said your scripted response back to you but faster, or followed by a question you hadn’t anticipated. And now you were thrown off your game. You smiled in the hopes that it would communicate confidence while you scrambled for what to say back. Ackkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

The gap between written/classroom French and real-life spoken French is probably the most humbling experience of being a foreigner in France. Just keep charging through it. And it’s why I recommend you make comprehension your focus, not grammar and not reading or writing.

4. You committed a cultural faux pas you didn’t know until it was too late.

Maybe you showed up to a French dinner party with a bottle of wine, which seemed like a thoughtful gesture, not knowing that your host had already selected wines to pair with the meal and your bottle would disappear into a closet, not to be opened that evening. Perhaps you made the mistake of using the familiar tu instead of the formal vous or invaded someone’s personal sphere with friendly questions, not realizing small talk isn’t the same ballgame here.

>> American social norms that don’t translate in France

None of these things make you rude. They just identify you as someone who isn’t French. You’re from somewhere with different codes and let’s be honest, you’re doing your genuine best to navigate a French culture. So don’t fret.

French people, for the most part, understand this and extend more grace to foreigners than the stereotypes about them being rude might lead you to believe. If anyone judges you for an honest mistake, they’re not someone you want in your social circle anyway.

5. You nodded along to something you didn’t understand at all.

OMG, I’ll still do this sometimes when I don’t quite catch something being said. The conversation was moving too fast, or the accent was unfamiliar, or my tired brain just zoned out, or they used vocabulary I hadn’t encountered yet, or all of these things simultaneously.

And instead of stopping the flow to ask for clarification — because that would have been too much for your ego — you nodded. Maybe you busted out a “oui, oui,” “carrément” or “d’accord” with the confidence of someone who understood the whole thing. Hey, it works sometimes!

But then you realized you needed to answer or do something and your nod wasn’t cutting it anymore. Busted! You had to confess and say you misunderstood or that you understood exactly NONE of what was said. Hahhaha. I’m laughing because I’ve been there!

>> When you’ve lost French language learning motivation

6. You got on the wrong train, bus, or metro and went somewhere entirely unintended.

French public transport is genuinely excellent. It is also — when you are new and the signage is in a language you’re still learning — occasionally baffling. You got on the RER going the wrong way and it took you four stops to realize it. You got off a stop too early or too late and ended up somewhere that left you feeling majorly lost. You took a regional train that didn’t stop where you thought it would stop.

And when you’re navigating unfamiliar train routes, having mobile data can make a surprisingly big difference. Whether you’re checking directions, translating a French message, looking up a train schedule, or figuring out where you are after taking the wrong connection, staying connected is one less thing to worry about. If you’re traveling around several countries, a Europe SIM card can also be a convenient option for keeping your phone connected without having to buy a separate SIM every time you cross a border.

Case in point, maybe you got on a TGV, didn’t take your assigned seat because you didn’t realize what car you were in, and the cars split into two separate trains at the next stop with the half you were in going to a city you didn’t intend to go to. That’s a major headache because the stops are few and far between and new train tickets tend to be expensive.

When I first came to France as a language assistant one winter night, I took a bus somewhere in the Val d’Oise that I never want to visit again. It took 20 minutes to realize I was going the wrong way and then over an hour for a bus to come to take me back the right way. I wish there had been Uber back then.

7. A French person switched to English mid-conversation and you had feelings about it.

Man, were the early days rough when I lived in la région Parisienne. When this language switch happens (generally in and around big cities when your level isn’t great), you have mixed feelings that are a blend of relief and deflation that are very specific to the language-learning foreigner experience. You feel relief because you don’t have to fumble through in French anymore but deflated because you really wanted to try and fumble through in French.

Your self-doubt creeps in. You ask yourself if your French was really that bad? Was it that obvious? Did they switch to be kind or efficient, or because they wanted to practice English? Or worst of all, was it because they simply couldn’t bear to wait while you pieced together your sentences?

The truth is usually something else. French people want to practice their English just as much as you want to practice your French. It is just two people trying to communicate. It doesn’t mean your French isn’t improving. I promise you it is. Here’s how to get French people to stop switching to English.

These days, that never happens and rarely ever did once I moved out of the Paris area. People just don’t speak English well enough overall and if you can hold your own in French, there’s no reason for them to switch.

8. You experienced a moment of complete and total administrative defeat.

You had the documents. All of them. You had the originals and the copies and the translations and the forms filled out correctly. You even had documents that weren’t on the list. You then arrived at the prefecture at the right time with the right attitude and something STILL went wrong.

They said there was a missing document you’d never been told you needed. Or their system was down. Or that appointment you have a confirmation email for never registered in their system. Or maybe Pierre in admin is en vacances. Damn that guy, he’s never there!

So you do the only thing you could have done. You walked back to your car in defeat and had a moment. You asked yourself what the heck you are doing in France and started questioning all of your life decisions. No, just me?

Just remember we’ve all been there. You are allowed to feel it completely before you go back and try again.

9. A stranger was unexpectedly kind to you on a hard day.

Gosh, I love this one. It feels so good and restores my faith in humanity.

I don’t know about you, but usually on hard days, I isolate myself and don’t give anyone a chance to be kind to me since I don’t see anyone. I don’t want to spread my mood to anyone else. But here’s an interaction from 2022 that stood out on a bad day when I had a few errands to run.

After Dagny died, I wanted to buy a nice plant for her veterinary practice. She got amazing care throughout her whole life and especially at the end. To this day, I still pop in to see the staff who still know us by name. 

So to say thanks, I ventured out to a florist and I’ll never forget the employee who helped me. She asked what I was looking for and I told her the whole story. I guess I just needed to share. I was glad that I did because what followed was a moment of connection that I’ll never forget.

In that moment, we saw each other’s humanity as she shared a personal story of hers with me and I felt like she understood what I was going through. She made that moment a little lighter for me and I’m grateful for that.

Little gestures go a long way. Some other examples could be when a neighbor who noticed you struggling quietly brought up your trash cans or pulled the weeds from your front walk without making a big deal out of it. Or someone who gave you directions not just to the street but walked you all the way to the door. Or maybe a fellow customer in a line translated something important without being asked, after seeing you glitch out.

France has a reputation that doesn’t always leave room for these kinds of stories, which is part of why they mean so much when they happen. It reminds me that people everywhere are mostly good if you give them a chance.

10. You laughed at something in French without fully knowing why.

OK, ok, the joke moved too fast for you to have actually understood it. But the rhythm was right, or the word that landed was one you recognized, or you read the room and matched the energy. You laughed… and it felt like a tiny miracle even if you didn’t understand word for word what was being said. That’s got to count for something, right?

It was like your brain had absorbed more than you’d realized, like France was beginning to soak in without requiring an enormous effort.

These moments are small and huge at the same time. Hold onto them.

11. You temporarily forgot a word in your own language because the French one came first.

Or you never knew the English word in the first place so you defaulted to the French one.

Let me set the scene: You’re speaking your mother tongue and when you blank on a word, what pops into your head first is the French one. When I speak to an American friend who also lives in France, we sprinkle French words into our English regularly because the French word sometimes pops up first. It’s not that we don’t know the English word but it’s just faster sometimes to go with what gets there first in casual conversation.

P.S. This also happens to me a lot more while speaking French (English words popping into my head first) which is normal because French is my second language and I know way more words in English. So sometimes I genuinely won’t know the French word and will have to look it up.

But back to the speaking English part and having a French word pop into your head first. This is not confusion. This is your mind recalibrating to make room for a new language, which is one of the most amazing things a human brain can do. Be proud of it, even when it temporarily tongue ties you in the language you’ve spoken your entire life.

12. You had a conversation entirely in the wrong tense.

Sometimes you’re on such a roll and are three sentences ahead in your head that you don’t realize what’s coming out of your mouth. This happened to me the other day and is usually something that happens when I’m fired up or really passionate or emotional about what I’m saying. Hey, it happens. 

But in the early days, everything is in the present tense because the past tense required a construction you weren’t confident in yet. Or everything you say is in the future because it was the conjugation you’d most recently practiced so it was fresh in your mind. The French person you were speaking to adapted graciously and life went on. No biggie.

13. You’ve missed home so badly that it’s stopped you in your tracks.

Homesickness can be rough any way you look at it. I tend to feel it even more viscerally when I’m feeling extra emotional or going through something stressful. It was the strongest during my first few years here when culture shock was strong.

Maybe homesickness hits you the hardest around important days or holidays. It can be a smell, a song, a person who looks like someone you used to know… all of it reminds you of somewhere else and you freeze and get lost in the memories. 

In that moment, you’d give anything to be in a familiar kitchen with familiar people speaking a language that doesn’t take any effort. : :: hugs :: :

Homesickness doesn’t mean you’ve failed at living abroad or that you made a mistake or that you’re weak or anything like that. It means you’re human and you came from somewhere that mattered. 

14. Someone mispronounced your name and you let it go.

I’ve been Dee-Anne since 2012. Not Diane. Diane is pronounced more like Dee-Anne in France. And I’ve accepted it. The vowel sound isn’t the same in French and won’t flow off a French person’s tongue, so we adapt.

Mine was an easy adaptation, though. I feel for you if your name is Heather or Daniel or something. Heather will be Ezz-air since the H isn’t pronounced and Daniel will always be pronounced like Danielle. Tom doesn’t really hear the difference between Daniel and Danielle in English. There are loads of names like this. Do you have one?

During my first few months here, I’d correct people but stopped because I realized they couldn’t say Diane right and it felt cool to have a “new” name. Correcting it required more French than I had available at the time. So I started answering to a version of my name that wasn’t really my name but was good enough.

15. You had a moment when you realized you were happy here and it caught you totally offguard. 

I am not talking about the expected happiness or excitedness someone has after making a big life decision. And not even the relief of a good day after a bunch of hard ones. I’m talking about a feeling of settled accomplishment where your existence feels at peace.

It’s a little moment when you noticed France wasn’t just part of the context of your life but IS your entire life. 

And it makes every squinty look, botched conjugation, and administrative defeat absolutely worth it.

***

Did any of these moving to France rite of passage moments hit close to home for you? Tell me in the comments below!

---

PIN IT: