Someone asked me the other day when I was coming home — as in back to the New York/New Jersey area that I was living in before I moved to France. I answered without hesitating and said, “June 13th for my brother’s wedding.” And they replied, “No, no, like moving back home. Not just for a trip.” And I thought about it for a minute. All I could come up with was a vague “I don’t know.”
Read on!
Expat problems: Guilty feelings when living abroad?
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that my concept of home has changed. Would returning to New Jersey or New York to live really be home? Or living in the U.S. at all?
I think one of the biggest expat problems we face is knowing the answer to “Where is home” once you’ve been away awhile.
Tom and I don’t have jobs there. We don’t have a life there and not sure we really want any of that right now. With my parents moving, my brother who’s lived in Florida for a while now and friends who have moved on from where we grew up, I can’t really say I consider the Northeast “home.”
Becoming an adult is a funny thing and seeing your friends grow up, move away, get married, have kids (not necessarily in that order) only confirms to me time and time again that the path I’m on is the right one. Yes, New Jersey is where I grew up and where I lived for 25 years, but it’s no longer a place I yearn to return to.
Tom, Dagny and my in-laws are part of my new home and it feels right. You can’t argue with that. And besides, even if it feels like we’re “stuck” (in a job a physical location or something else) in life at any point in time, we’re really not and can make a change.
Some people might think I’m off in La-la-land living out some fantasy life. Maybe soon I’ll come to my senses, they say, and move home and do the daily office grind in the corporate world sometime soon. I’m crazy for moving to France, right?
I think it’s more crazy to do the same thing day in and day out if you have your sights set on broader horizons and want more than the same old same old.
Not to say that a lifestyle close to home on a traditional path is not fulfilling for some people. I’m just not one of those people. Or at least I’m not right now.
Are you looking to make a change? Nothing will change unless you make it happen.
I live just fine here –- working hard, living and loving those around me. Making the change is the hardest part, whatever that is –- tying the knot, quitting your job or deciding to make some other life change.
Once you do it, with each exhale you’ll realize that wherever you physically are in the world will feel more and more like home.
So back to my vague answer of “I don’t know” to one of my expat problems. At this point, I can say with confidence that now, I do know. I know France is my home now. And I have no plans of leaving.
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I do love Canada, but I can’t imagine living there at the moment. I love my life in Europe; I love eating new dishes, learning about history, marvelling at beautiful architecture, meeting Europeans and learning languages.
I’d love to spend a few months “at home”, but I know that I would get itchy feet for Europe again in no time. I was born to live out here.
Everyone I knew back in Canada asked me when I was moving back for the first five years after I was gone. At about the five-year mark they understood that this was a permanent move and they asked less and less. Now that I am married to a Frenchman they never ask when I am going back.
I wouldn’t even say that Bordeaux is “my home”. If I am in Bordeaux for too long I start to long for a new adventure. I feel that Europe is my home.
Thank you for sharing! Makes perfect sense and I totally get where you’re coming from. 😉
I’m from France and currently living in Canada with my Canadian partner. My family asks me that question every time I go back 🙂 Some days I get homesick, but I’m building a life here, and as time goes by, I know the answer becomes “not before a while” or even “maybe never”. Its hard to accept sometimes, but also part of embracing our new life.
I’ve enjoyed reading your blog! It’s always interesting to learn about the expat experience “the other way around” (for me)!
Glad to have you here! And I agree it’s about building a life. Thank you for stopping by!
Home is such an interesting concept, to fall back on an old cliche, it really is (for me) where the heart is. Through my childhood I move a fair amount and I don’t really have a home town in the traditional sense (ie the place I grew up and my parents still live), although I was born in London and moved back as an adult, so that is pretty close!
Did you find that London had changed since you last lived there? I agree that home is where the heart is. That’s all that matters. Thank you for stopping by!
I saw this post as one of the related post links and clicked immediately. 😀 I’m about to book my ticket back home because my visa is just about up and it’s so hard! Because home really does change. I love my friends and family but it doesn’t necessarily mean that it is home to me especially since most have moved away and are married. I’m hoping that the move back to the US is short while I figure out how to get back to France! 🙂
You will absolutely find your way back to France once you’re back home. If it’s what you want, you’ll make it happen. I had several moments of clarity that came to me at random times and I’m sure it’ll all work out for you!