I’m calling a timeout on all things France today and shifting gears, OK? An article about a woman named Ada who was almost abducted on a Sydney, Australia, street in broad daylight recently caught my eye and made me wonder how I’d react if I had been there. The alleged abduction attempt took place in a busy area with people all around and yet bystanders did nothing at all to help her.
What gives? Would you get involved in a situation like this?
We all like to see the best in others and hope that in a time of need, even a stranger would come to our rescue. Especially when the situation is dire. But is that always the case? Sadly, no. (Update: Since the original story came to light, the woman apparently has been charged with fabricating the whole abduction attempt. Yet the conversation is still important to have…)
I used to watch What Would You Do?, a reality TV show hosted by John Quinones that set up often uncomfortable situations complete with a hidden camera to test what the unsuspecting public would do when faced with blatant racism, criminal activity, domestic abuse and more. Basically, what would you do when you think no one is watching? Common scenarios would involve things like walking through a park and discovering kids spray painting a car that’s not their own, a parent getting too rough with a child or even a shop owner making derogatory comments toward someone of a certain race. Would people intervene and stand up for what they think is right? Would they help the victim or walk right on by? Just gawk? As it turns out, there was a little bit of everything.
For me, not getting involved comes down to 4 things:
1) Fear of being wrong. Maybe you’re scared of misreading a situation and dealing with the embarrassment that comes with that. If something looks bad, is it really? Is it your job to find out? If you call the police and there’s really nothing wrong, you might feel embarrassed. But the way I look at this is if you think you’re seeing abuse (or something else that isn’t right) and you call the cops and are wrong, then you temporarily risk feeling embarrassed or foolish for about five seconds. If you do nothing and someone gets seriously injured or worse, can you live with the fact that you did nothing? If it’s a minor situation that doesn’t warrant a call to the police, ask a neutral question like “Is everything OK?” or “What’s going on?” and then see if the responses require further action on your part.
2) Fear of getting hurt yourself if it involves a crime. There are ways to intervene anonymously if your safety is a factor. Get to a safe place and make the emergency phone call. That call could make a world of difference.The fearless and self-righteous Diane from her college days wouldn’t hesitate at ringing the doorbell of a neighbor clearly engaged in a domestic dispute, but now? I’d absolutely make the phone call to keep out of harm’s way while still trying to help.
3) Bystander effect. In a crowd, it’s easy to assume that someone else will do something and the responsibility is off your shoulders. It makes sense — surely with all the people around, someone will take action and help. But maybe one day that someone needs to be you.
4) Just not caring. Too busy. Scared to get involved. Sometimes we think it’s not our place and not our problem. Depending on the situation, inaction might be the best action to take. But in more cases than not, if something doesn’t look right, it probably isn’t.
So let me ask you, if you’ve ever been in a situation that didn’t sit right with you, did you get involved? Why or why not?
A few examples:
- A person ahead of you in line is reaching into another person’s pocket trying to steal his/her wallet.
- An elderly person crossing the street spills his/her groceries all over the crosswalk just as the light turns green.
- A dog owner is getting really rough with his dog.
- Kids on the street are bullying another child and it’s escalating.
- A person getting extremely vocal and physically rough with his/her spouse in public.
- A parent who leaves their baby in a hot car with the windows closed to just run a quick errand.
I believe that it’s our duty as members of the human race to help others.
Whether they deserve it or not, whether you know them or not and whether it’s an inconvenience to you or not, our true character is revealed when we reach our hand out to someone who can do nothing for us in return. Don’t we have an obligation to look out for each other? Even if the situation is not as serious as needing to call the police, if someone needs your help, why not give it?
Let your intuition provide that push you need to take action. Our intuition is correct 99 percent of the time and all you have to do is listen to it. That little voice that tells you to NOT get on the elevator with someone who is giving you a bad feeling. That feeling in the pit of your stomach that says do NOT open your car door and get out. And the surge of adrenaline that has your intuition screaming DO SOMETHING when you clearly see something isn’t right.
Thanks for sharing this thought-provoking post. What Would You Do is fascinating and uncomfortable. I saw an episode recently with actors portraying a man attempting to take an extremely intoxicated women home from a bar. Most people reacted quickly to protect the woman, but not everyone. I agree that it’s each individual’s responsibility to act, though it’s difficult to predict how you may respond to certain situations, like the ones you listed.
Yes! I saw that one and thank goodness they were just actors but that scenario happens more than it should. Some of the guys were almost congratulating him like it was an achievement. Sickening. But so glad that many people did stand up for the girl who obviously wasn’t in any condition to make decisions for herself.
It is so hard to know how you’d respond. Sometimes in the moment, we just react. Like if I saw someone hurting a dog, I’d probably step in. But in other situations where something maybe isn’t so straightforward, it’s impossible to say. I hope I’d do the right thing. Thank you for weighing in!
Hands down, Absolutely I feel that we should help another human being or animal ! We don’t have to put ourselves in the line of fire to do so. All it takes is a quick call to the emergency services in any situation of the sort. Years ago I was home sick on a Monday. In the early afternoon two women came to the front door. It was obvious that they were a part of a gang. I live in California and in my area there is a lot of that activity here. The women started to try to break into the house. I began to scream and ran for the phone, but before I could get to the phone the police arrived and the two women were flat down, handcuffed and hauled off to the county jail. This was all thanks to the elderly women who lived across the street from me. Had it not been for her I don’t know what would have happened to me that day. The gang activity has caused many a death simply on a dare in this state. My case ended up in court and the women had to face their just reward. I will always be thankful for that neighbor who cared enough to make a phone call instead of looking the other way. Thank you for your very thought provoking post, Diane ! My hats off to you ! You are doing a fantastic job !
Love and light
Cynthia
Oh my gosh, what a horrific experience to have to go through, Cynthia. So sorry to hear about it but at least you had that angel of a neighbor to help you. An angel in disguise. Glad the criminals were caught and that you’re OK. And thank you for being a loyal reader 😉
You are so very welcome, Diane ! Yes, I will never forget that neighbor ! And I do believe that she was an angel ! It’s always a pleasure for me to read your interesting and very informative posts !
Have a wonderful weekend !
Cynthia
As a fellow American abroad, I just wanted to add: sometimes calling the police can lead to consequences MUCH greater than a bit of temporary embarrassment for the person who placed the call. I know from personal experience how quick police in the US can be to follow their own intuition, which all too often is miscalibrated and decisive.
I wholeheartedly agree that choosing to intervene in real-world situations is a decision once shouldn’t take lightly, but I don’t think calling the police should be the go-to whatsoever in situations like these. Their job is to end conflicts, which isn’t at all the same as resolving them.
PS: I really sympathize with your fish-out-of-water perspective—we leapt, puis on est dans le même bateau !