Someone I cared about recently passed away. It’s made me question everything and if I’m on the right path. Something you hear me say often is that life is short and it’s been proven to me over and over in so many different ways.
Are you on the right path?
Life is hard. It doesn’t matter who you are, where you live, what you have, or where you’re going. Life has this uncanny way of punching us in the face every now and again. It forces us to pay attention and take stock of our lives.
But this isn’t a doom and gloom post. It’s about realizing that our mind controls more than we think. When times get tough, it’s a positive tool we have at our disposal and it’ll show us the way.
So…. I don’t know about you, but after going through a particularly difficult period, I end up learning something or experiencing a shift in perspective. Or I question everything and wonder what is worth my time.
What about you? Do you question things?
What path are you on and does it feel right?
How do we even know and why does it matter? Ahh, so many questions.
We all have these defining moments in our lives where something that’s happened has deeply impacted us — both for better and for worse.
Can you think of 3 moments that have inspired extreme joy in your life?
Maybe the birth of your children, a career success, a marriage, achieving a personal goal, or a transformative vacation. These are things that have felt so right and have filled you with so much joy that they’ve affected your way forward in life in the best way possible. It would be impossible for them not to have had such an impact.
On the flip side, can you think of a few instances that have left you gutted, vulnerable, and like everything is wrong? I can. A particular example from the past for me was living through 9/11 in NYC with tons of other New Yorkers. A loved one’s health crisis is another. And the most recent experience was the unexpected loss of a loved one.
These moments leave you questioning the world and your place in it. What have we been doing and where are we going? Why do we doubt ourselves? Where do we go from here?
In the days following the loss, it made me examine what the heck I’m doing in life. I know being in France with Tom is right. But what about the rest?
Earlier this spring, I felt incredibly useless. Invisible, overwhelmed, unappreciated, unsupported, and without a purpose. Sometimes I think that I’m growing old in my corner of the world unable to make a difference, not helping anyone, and far from feeling like I’m living my purpose.
It’s not a good place.
Do you ever feel like that at work, within your family, or in your social circle? Our life experiences are different but core emotions are unifying.
What is your purpose and does it feel important to you to have one?
It does to me. I can’t just drift in life.
Maybe “normal” people don’t dwell on these questions, but I do. I’m a thinker. I do my best work when I’m out in nature with Dagny where my mind is free to notice the beauty around me. This is where I’m able to take a step back from the stress and think through ideas for work or my blog, relationships, or life in general.
When I’m having a hard time, I seek out that solace of walking my dog. I get perspective. Then I do my best to move forward. Luckily, I have been able to move forward and get unstuck. I focus on the positives — not because the negatives don’t matter but because I don’t want to feed them. That has never worked well for me in the past. Our thoughts become our reality so why not make it a good one.
How can you get unstuck, move forward, and find your path?
Let’s talk about it. Here’s what I’ve learned.
- Listen to your gut
- Gauge your excitement
- Say yes to opportunities
If you’re a deeply introspective type, keep in mind that this frequent questioning is normal. You live in your head. You talk to yourself. You don’t accept things for what they are and you want more.
Just because you’re wondering if something is right or wrong doesn’t mean it’s wrong in and of itself. The questioning isn’t a problem. It’s good to question things.
In my case, the challenges of living abroad make me turn inward even more than I normally would back home. It’s how I cope. I think, think, think and think some more.
When you aren’t living a traditional life, your life path might not follow a normal trajectory either. Whatever normal is. That’s OK. And it’s OK to look at your life and question things.
I’m talking about things like career opportunities, business ventures, relationships, moves, children, big purchases, whatever.
You wonder if you’re doing the right thing for yourself. We look around and see others doing things that seem valuable and fun and wonder if we should be doing them too.
So again, how do you know if you’re on the right path in life?
You have to let yourself feel. That’s #1.
How do you know if you're on the right path in #life? Listen to your gut. Trust your #intuition and that little voice in your head. Most of all, you need to feel with your heart.Click To TweetListen to your gut. Trust your intuition and that little voice in your head. Most of all, you need to feel with your heart.
How do you do this?
You stop moving. You get unbusy. You embrace the stillness.
And when we’re constantly busy, it’s so hard to be still. But find the time and do it.
When your mind is still, you listen. Maybe that’s when you’re out on a nature walk like me, while meditating, before falling asleep or whenever you have time to yourself.
When your mind is free of distractions and noise, you’re free to listen to your heart. It sounds cheesy, but it’s true. It just takes practice.
When you think about that toxic friendship or that job where your boss is horrible that’s getting you down and keeping you stuck, how does it make you feel deep down? Forget the narrative we attach to the facts and stop thinking. Just feel.
What does your heart say? That’s your answer.
Let’s look at a lighter example of how the story in our head gets in the way of feeling. Take standing in line for a thrill ride at an amusement park. You’re watching the ride go by and hear the whooshing and screams. Your heart beats a little bit faster. Your inner voice panics and says, “Oh my gosh, don’t do it, the ride is so scary! Listen to the people screaming in fear! Run away!”
But when you stop that inner chatter and tune in to how you feel, you ooze with excitement and are on the edge of your seat, full of adrenaline. The story attached to the feeling is one of panic but the feeling itself is a good one. You’re excited. So you trust the feeling, go on the ride and have a great time.
So often, there’s a conflict between our inner critic full of doubt and what our heart feels. We train ourselves to silence our heart.
Feeling is the truest expression of what we should do and it won’t let us down. My example above was about a ride, but let your excitement guide you in business and your personal life. Tell me, what do you get excited about?
The only advice you need is to listen to your intuition.
But how can we listen to our intuition and what our heart is telling us if we don’t even know how to get there?
We start small and take a chance. It’s never too late in life. Say yes to opportunities that come your way, no matter how seemingly insignificant. One way to find the right path is to try different things. By saying yes to new opportunities and experiences, you may find out what things you don’t want to pursue in life. Sometimes the way to find the right path is by figuring out the wrong path first. If you don’t try, you’ll never know.
We hold all the answers to our own questions. If we’d only learn how to listen.
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This is such a beautiful post Diane, and so very true !
I’m very sorry for the loss of your loved one.
I know what you are going through and it isn’t easy.
I just lost my mother at the end of February.
I knew it was coming but I wasn’t ready to let her go.
Three weeks before her death, my mother apologized to me.
This was over a choice she had made in her early thirties.
I always understood why she had made that choice.
We grow through the choices that we make.
What we consider to be horrible mistakes are opportunities for growth.
We can come out of them a better person through the experience.
Living life under the table in fear never works, it isn’t living.
In love and light !
Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry to hear about your mom, Cynthia. Death is so incredibly hard to deal with. My thoughts are with you. Thank you for reading!
Oh, Diane, what a cri de coeur. Very beautiful. I also am thinking about deep questions as the birthday of a loved one, recently deceased, hits me. How to live in a world without this person?
And yet, as you point out, the moments of extreme joy….I would be hard-pressed to choose one, especially since the birth of our child. Over the years, it isn’t just the miracle of life, but the punch-you-in-the-gut amazingness of THIS life. The child, growing relentlessly (though we would really love to hit pause), is like some kind of balloon of joy that just keeps growing bigger and bigger. I thought the balloon would pop at adolescence, but, knock on wood, it hasn’t yet.
I am wishing you strength as you go through this difficult time.
Thanks very much. I’m sorry for the loss of your loved one as well. It’s never easy. I read something beautiful on Cup of Jo recently about grief. The comments are amazing. Maybe it’ll help you (or anyone else reading): https://cupofjo.com/2018/04/advice-stories-on-grief-loss
I really appreciate this post. I have been questioning the direction my life is taking for the past FOURTEEN years and am still not at the point where I am ready to say (and pardon my language) screw this. Like many people, I wear golden handcuffs. My job–which I am finding more and more psychologically trying–enables me to do things I love, like visiting Paris almost every year. Yet I feel, as you said so beautifully, that I am not contributing in a meaningful way to making the world a better place to live. nor am I making my world a happier place to live. On the one hand, I don’t want to give in to the demons that constantly tell me I’m incompetent (though I do a very difficult job that only a handful of people can do–my professional association has a world-wide membership of only 5,000 people). On the other hand, I feel like I’ve done my time and should, for my own mental health, go on to doing something totally different. I’m just afraid of finding myself financially dependent on my husband for the first time in my life. He understands my dilemma, and my angoisse, and supports my desire to do something else, but he also reminds me that finances will be tighter. I feel that something better, happier and more satisfying awaits me, but I’m still working on the courage to go out and find it.
Well, thanks for letting me open my heart and thanks for your beautiful blog.
Hi WRG, thanks for baring your soul and the kind words.
So you talk about money and being dependent on your husband, but think about what you need in life to be happy. Without your career, can you find fulfillment and joy in other ways that aren’t financial? I think you know that you can. Although scary, it sounds like it might be worthwhile for you to shift gears and try something new. For those of us who question our path, it’s important to explore options.
Could you go back to your career if after or a year or two, you decide it’s something you do want in your life again?
I think above all, we need to be able to have a clear head and heart. High-powered careers aren’t for everyone and not for their entire lives. We need to breathe and it sounds like maybe you’re looking for that. If a little voice is nudging you in that direction even in the slightest, I’d say listen to it. You never know what you may discover. And I have a feeling it’ll be for the best. Keep me posted! 😉
Diane, your response has really touched my soul! I will definitely keep you posted.
I meant every word. 🙂 You’ve got this!!
My sincerest condolences on your loss, Diane. What counts most in life is our loved ones. Money certainly can’t buy love.
Thank you and so true.
So sorry for your loss, Diane. It can feel even more accentuated when we are far away, and I feel like as Expats we ask ourselves this question more often than we realize. We are all doing fine xx
Thanks so much, Dana. Being far away is hard on so many levels. ;-(
All I can say is thank you. This post let me know that I am not alone in my over thinking, questioning, doubting, moving from LA to France. And not giving up because of the obstacles with getting settled. I will listen to my inner Gaia. Sorry for your loss, my prayers and positive energy to you and the family. You are on the right path of life, because you are touching others in a positive way! Thank you Diane
You’re SO very welcome, Gloria. You’re definitely not alone and we all doubt things and question them even when they are good and the best for us. Change is scary and I think NOT questioning such a big life change would be weird. You’ll do great!
And thank you for your condolences. Appreciate your comment. 😉
This is such a beautiful post, Diane. Thank you for opening up about the passing of your loved one and how it’s impacted you. Loss is such a catalyst in the way it forces us to take stock of our own lives. It’s just as powerful when you share it with others, too. What you said about trusting your gut really resonated with me because I find myself questioning these same things as well. It’s hard to hear that voice when life is so noisy. What a good reminder to find some quiet and start listening to it again.