All expats miss things from home and sometimes that feeling is all-consuming. Blogland is really feeling that right now including fellow France expat blogger Sara in Le Petit Village who wrote about the things she misses most from the U.S. just this week and Cosette of Stumble Down Under in Australia talked about the phase where everything sucks. It seems the more time you’re away, the more that list of things you miss grows (and would SOMEONE open up a Dunkin’ Donuts in France already?????).
Life is all about transitions — getting older, going away to college, moving on in your career, getting married, moving into a new home or to a new place, maybe having babies. It’s all so strange when routines and people change. We all evolve and life takes on newness every step of the way. But how well do we deal with these changes? Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it’s not easy at all.
Read on for more on life in transition!
Life in transition
In just over a week, I’ll be heading to Miami to visit my family. My brother lives in the area and now my parents do as well. They’ve officially moved from New Jersey and my childhood home is no more. And I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel weird. No longer will I go “home” to the place I’ve known for 25 years. Now my visits to the U.S. will be full of palm trees and humidity.
We’re also moving into our new house soon! And I see friends from home going through their own transitions as well.
How do I deal with change during these transitions?
I find comfort in my routines. Like Dagny, I am a creature of habit and every morning, I have to make my coffee and start my day in front of my computer checking a few blogs and other sites before I can begin my work. Dagny and I go for a walk every morning between 10 and 11 and Tom comes home for lunch at 12:45. These little things keep me on a schedule and give me a purpose on days when I may feel a little down. Knowing things are expected of me keeps me following my routine and before I know it, that transition I was going through has passed and I’ve made it to the other side unscathed… so yes, keeping busy works for me. And American TV never hurt anyone. 😉 (Is Homeland back yet??)
Sometimes I want things from “home.” American things. And sometimes I miss places. But how long can I miss something that I may never go back to? Would I miss things in France if I moved back to the U.S.? Of course. I’m away from home. But by saying I’m “away,” it implies that there’s a possibility of going back — of no longer being away. When do we realize that maybe we’re no longer away but that we’ve arrived somewhere else?
I realized that these issues us expats face really don’t have much to do with the actual physical place. Sure, France (or anywhere) has annoying things we all have to deal with but the big thing for me is that by living here, I miss out on what’s going on at home. And that would be the same if I’d moved to Texas instead.
The road to making friends
Another transition has to do with making friends. One issue I’ve had in France is not having friends (the post called The Lonely Expat Problem was one that resonated with readers the most) and today that is going to change. I finally decided to join some meetup sites and am meeting a French woman and her dog today at the park. It’s a doggie playdate and I couldn’t be happier. Before joining these sites, I’d keep putting it off saying I’ll do it when we move, or I’ll do it when work slows down or any other excuse. But really I was just nervous since I’ve never used French in a social context aside from with my husband and his family. But I know I can do it and I may surprise myself. I’ll report back on how that goes… fingers crossed she’s not a weirdo.
Anyway, I don’t know how long it takes for someone to settle into the new normal. Does France feel normal to me? Not exactly. Will it ever? I have no idea. These transitional periods feel weird. Going “home” to Miami will feel weird for sure, like I’m on vacation, but at the same time, it’ll feel strangely familiar because there will be people I know, places I know and a culture that I feel a part of.
What’s next?
The next big transition is moving into our new house just after Labor Day. We’ll be real, live homeowners. And doing homeowner things. Settling into that new chapter of my life in France will be one transition I’m really looking forward to, because even though I’m in a foreign land, I’ll be living in a house, with my husband and dog, having a backyard and a kitchen, and we’ll make this new house our own — with our special touches and our memories. And that will be a very welcome transition because in a place that isn’t exactly my home (yet), I’ll be one step closer to getting there. And that’s something I can get excited about!
Alan says
Nicely said.
Diane says
Thank you!
Molly @ Toffee Bits and Chocolate Chips in Paris! says
I’m in Paris studying and am so afraid when my friends from school move back home because I’ll be here several months after they leave. France feels like home to me but I think a lot of it is the friendship base I’ve been able to gain through school. I’ve done a meetup site for a Yoga and Circuits class and it was a lot of fun!! I’ve only been to two classes so far but I think it’s definitely a great way to make friends. Best of luck!
Diane says
Oh wow, I’d LOVE to meet up with people for fitness stuff. Unfortunately there isn’t even a good gym let alone specialized stuff like yoga where I am. Would really enjoy that!
stella says
Hope your doggie meeting wil be nice ans maybe turn into a friendship!
I ‘ve tried one friendship website but there isn’t a lot of things happening in Brussels with them! I hope I can have danse classes and maybe make friends there. I’ll be working for 3 months so it will help me to feel like in a normal life”
Diane says
Yup, friends are really important. My doggie playdates went well (thanks for asking) but the people seemed to be very “paysan” which is fine, but when you have no interest in learning about someone else’s culture or anything beyond the simple things, it doesn’t really lead to good conversations. But proud I at least tried!!
Cosette says
Great post. I don’t have any answers, but know that I sympathize. I hope all goes well with the doggie playdate.
Diane says
The playdates went OK. I am proud I put myself out there and tried at least. Takes time to meet someone on the same level. Not giving up!
Janine says
“When do we realize that maybe we’re no longer away but that we’ve arrived somewhere else?” I love this. I’m going through this now too, and I totally get the pondering.
Diane says
Hi Janine, can’t say I’m happy you identified with what I wrote because it’s not an easy thing, but I think we’ll both get through it. Thank you for your comment!
Jay says
I hope the meet up went well on Friday 🙂
There are things I miss about Canada and funny enough, there are a few things I miss about Gabon. I imagine I’ll miss things about Norway when it’s time to move on again – I suppose that’s the tricky part about being an expat; you can’t be in 2 (or 3 or 4) places at once and we’ll be perpetually nostalgic about things not in our vicinity.
Diane says
Yup, I think we take a piece from everywhere we’ve been and it’s only normal to do so. No clue how long I’ll be in France but trying to soak in all the good “Frenchness” so I’ll remember it if/when I move on. And yes, the meetups went well over the weekend but they weren’t exactly what I was hoping for. Takes time to meet people you really click with, you know? I’ll keep trying. Hope you’re well!
Ersatz Expat says
Your post really resonates with me, in fact I have written very similar ones in the past. I have never really had a fixed home, my family moved every few years. My first year in college I went home to a different country every holiday much to the amusement of my friends. Over the years I have learned that, for me, home is people not place.
That said I miss certain things from every single country I have lived in. Well done for getting up the nerve to go out. Dogs are a great icebreaker and good luck with the new home.
Diane says
Thanks so much! What you said makes a lot of sense, that people are home and not the place. I’m beginning to realize just how true that is now. Best of luck to you wherever your “home” is now. 😉
Emily says
This is a very thoughtful post, and I enjoyed it a great deal. You’re entirely right about the relativity of being home and away, and I guess it’s quite easy to slip into feeling as if you’re in limbo rather than really grounded in either place. I hope that you are making some progress with friendships. You’re entirely correct that these are what make you feel at home.
Diane says
Thanks for checking out the post, Emily. I think it’s something all of us living abroad face to some extent even if our experiences differ. I do feel that joining the gym was the best thing I could have done for myself and chat with a bunch of people. Do I have solid French friends I can call when I have a bad day? Not exactly… but I’m hopeful!