If you’ve spent some time living abroad, you know firsthand how amusing, exhilarating, exhausting, life-changing and eye-opening life can be when you leave your home country behind. You realize a lot about yourself, those around you and those back home in the process. Sometimes these truths are a tad embarrassing. That’s what I’m focusing on today…
Here’s my list of 5 expat truths that I’m (not really) embarrassed to tell you!
Expat life: What I’m embarrassed to tell you
1. Sometimes to spare myself the embarrassment, I just pretend I know what you’re saying.
I like to rag on myself a lot for my mistakes in French but if I’m being completely honest I’m decent at French. Some might even think I’m fluent. I’ll tell you this — I’ve come a long way. And my biggest accomplishment is when people ask me where I’m from because it’s not a dead giveaway I’m a native English speaker.
But sometimes, people have regional accents or use difficult words or I go momentarily deaf or just space out and miss a word or two, or half the conversation. I’ll just nod and say oui or the ever-useful “Oui, c’est vrai que…” that seems to work really well in these situations because it’s a phrase that people start and never finish and it’s totally fine.
It means “it’s true that…” but comes in handy when you want to appear that you’re following along but have no clue. This usually backfires a week later when the person references something in the convo where I was lost and I go, “You never told me that!” and they say, “Yes I did!” Ooops.
I usually smile and nod when I’m lost and know I’ll never see you again. Otherwise, if I do know you, I have no problem embarrassing myself and telling you I have no clue what you’re talking about.
2. I used to wait for a trip back to the US to get my hair cut (and see the dentist).
OK, now I see Jean-Michel regularly but my first year here didn’t involve a single haircut. Haircuts can be scary! Add in the fact that you’re in another country and don’t know exactly how to say what you want and well, you have yourself a recipe for disaster!
Luckily I got over my fear when my hair was getting way too long and after a few bad haircuts, I found a really talented stylist. If you need a haircut in France, read my little guide. I also now see a dentist in France but the cleaning lasts 10 min tops. Not sure why. I think my dentist back home does a more thorough job. But it’s also 10 times the price.
3. I keep my phone’s default language on English. And temperatures in Fahrenheit.
While I speak French and know Celsius (more or less), I keep my phone in English and the weather screen in Fahrenheit. Why? It’s familiar and sometimes when home feels very far away, familiar is good. Even if it’s something as simple as seeing your settings menu in English and that it’s 34 degrees F in NYC. And those lucky ducks are getting snow!
It’s not that I don’t know French or Celsius — I obviously do — but it’s a comfort thing. When so much feels out of my comfort zone, it just feels better to have my phone set to English and Fahrenheit. It almost makes me feel closer to home, in a way.
4. I get excited to pay my customs fees on packages.
OK, maybe excited isn’t the best word but the fact is, when DHL sends me a text telling me there’s a duty to pay upon delivery, it means HOLY SH*T I’m getting a package. And we all know how fun packages are to receive.
I have no qualms about paying exorbitant amounts of money for must-haves from “home.” Canned pumpkin, I’m talking to you. But that’s not all. My go-to is My American Market, a Toulouse-based online store that has typical American items. I go to them for my Pam spray, canned pumpkin and Old Bay Seasoning.
5. I use my “foreigner” status to my advantage (within reason, of course).
Do I have a question to ask you that might be a bit of a no-brainer for a French person? (Like what are those different cheeses? What’s that medicine do? Where exactly are your cows raised and what do they eat?) No problem. I’ll ask you anyway and if you seem put off or taken aback, I’ll apologize and say I’m sorry, clearly I’m not French.
No dogs allowed in your store? Ooops, I’m not French but now I know. Sorry about that! Oh, I have to PAY to use the bathroom? Never seen THAT before! Hmmm, I’m fresh out of coins. And usually the attendant will let me pee for free. Are you a random person harassing me in the park? Sorry, don’t speak French!
Any expat truths you’d add?
You ain’t kidding – My husband swears by his French dentist in our neighborhood, so after going to an expensive English-speaking one across town and getting an American-style cleaning for 110€, I decided to try his. My cleaning was about 10 minutes long, and I had to point out to her where I have the worst tartar buildup, though it should have been obvious since I have a built-in retainer (but the cost? maybe 30€). I might have to stick to my expensive American-style cleaning once a year…
At least you have an American-style cleaning option! I’d gladly pay to have a proper cleaning! Hoping I never need more than a cleaning in France….
Tracy is happily surveying My American Market! Thanks!
Shipping isn’t free and there’s a lot of junk food, but I buy my Pam spray, canned pumpkin and the occasional Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup from them. 😉 Happy browsing!
Ha I space out in conversations all the time and then pretend I’ve been listening. Sometimes if it’s a conversation with a bunch of people I just nod along and smile but really I’m off in my own little world. I love that you take advantage of not being French – so, so good. Also I haven’t had a haircut in 7 months because I’m terrified of getting a haircut in France and not at the hairdresser who has cut my hair for YEARS… I have thick hair and am prone to bad haircuts, what if I accidentally tell them to cut it all off?? I’m going to consult your guide..
Yeah, I mean it’s not that the convo is boring but sometimes it just takes so much effort to follow that I’ll get distracted by something else and space out. And forget it when there are 4 people talking all at once. All one has to do is throw in a fast joke or a line with some slang and I just give up. But they say fake it til you make it, right? So maybe pretending does something for the psyche.
You’re out by Brest right? That’s a little far, otherwise I’d invite you to my house and you can go see my guy. He rules
Haha! This is so good. I didn’t get a haircut my first year in Australia and I still haven’t gone to the dentist! I did eventually switch my mobile, tablet, and PC to Australian or U.K. English, but I’d probably leave it in English if I lived in France.
How are Aussie dentists? You’ll have to report back
These are great! Totally know what you mean about the phone too. I’ve lived in the US for 15 years so I’m pretty fluent in Fahrenheit now but my phone and the thermometer in my car are both in Celsius. Drives my son (born in the US) nuts 🙂
For some reason, seeing the car’s temps in Celsius doesn’t bother me. Maybe because it’s a French car? No idea. But I’m not French and I want my weather to be in F and in English. Maybe one day I’ll adapt 😉
Hehe, I love your list! I remember the first time I got a haircut in France – I was so nervous about it! And I wanted to get the color done too, and was worried it had the potential to turn out disastrously. Funny thing is I went in to make my appt, and when they asked what time, the first thing that came to mind was 2pm. Except having recently moved and just starting to learn French, I walked away not knowing if we agreed on 12 or 2pm (douze heure or deux heure – ahh French pronunciation)! So on the day of, I ended up walking in at 12 to “check” what time my appt was for, and it was for 2pm as I had hoped. Now though I love my French hairdresser…possibly more than any place I’ve gone to in the US!
Thank you! Yes, it’s so nerve-wracking the first couple of times or the first time with a new stylist. I find that bringing a pic really helps so even if your stylist’s interpretation of “long layers” doesn’t match yours, you at least have a photo of what you want so there’s no confusion. And sometimes it’s hard to hear at a salon — they’re always busy so they talk fast and then with the background noise of the hairdryers and clients talking, it can be stressful! I feel ya! Glad you found someone you like now!
Ah Ah that is so true! I almost did not cut my hair in the 3 years i’m in Belgium! I went to my boyfriend hairdresser and she’s good but it’s not in Brussels, I have to drive 20 min to get there, it’s always full so it takes so looong to get an appointment and now she’s closed on week ends (it’s in a village) so I don’t go anymore!
For the dentist, I’m so scared that I didn’t go yet! I have to, but I don’t want to go to anyone! And th’s pretty much the same for every doctor! I’m terrible!
It really is stressful, isn’t it? For you though, it’s not a communication issue (lucky!) so at least you’re OK from that standpoint, but I know how hard it can be to just make the appointment with someone new. Why are you scared to go to the dentist? Are Belgian ones different from French ones? Or is it a cost issue? Or you know you have a lot of work to get done? It’s not easy anywhere, is it? Just fear of the unknown for me. I have a gynecologist appointment in March and I have no clue what to expect. There will definitely be a post on that!
Great list. I keep my phone on NY weather and Fahrenheit too. I also keep my watch on NY time and won’t be changing. I know it’s crazy but I like to know time at home (without doing math in my head) and when I can call friends/family without waking them up!! Language is tough as I’m a beginner still. And when I do get some simple but decent French out of my mouth the response back throws me as it’s fast and furious and then I’m lost. I still do GYN, dentist, eye Dr, etc on annual trip home. I was lucky with hair (my concern was more about color vs cut) as American ex pats sent me to their salon (I live in Lyon) and it’s great – like as much as at home. Love your blog as I so relate to your chosen topics.
I don’t wear a watch but I keep my computer on EST. Like you, I like knowing what time it is at home without having to count six hours.
You’ll get there with the French as time goes on. 😉 That’s good that you still do the important visits back home. Getting an appointment here has not been easy at all! So happy you like the blog. Thank you for commenting!
OMG my thoughts exactly. I’ve lived in London and now I’m living in Turkey but I only ever get a haircut or go to the dentist in Mauritius, even though this is getting a bit out of hand right now. And use the foreigner status? Oh yeah. I’ll admit that I’ve spoken in English, despite speaking decent Turkish, just to get special treatment.
Glad to hear I’m not alone in my expat ways! 😉 It’s just comforting to stick to what we’re used to, so as long as I’m able to go “home” to do certain things, I will.
I am going to speak English to get away from weirdos. There’s this homeless lady I ran into in the park and wasted 15 min of my life i can never get back… was just trying to be polite, but a “sorry don’t speak french would have solved that!” Thanks for your comment!
I convert my weather app from °F to °C. °F value does not mean anything to me. The 3 references in °F I’m getting used to are: 32 because it means freezing at 0 °C, in winter, 100 °F because it is the temperature in summer in Texas, and 68 °F because that’s how my air conditionner is set at home.
Totally understand. I’ve learned Celsius but just like F better and if I have the option on my phone, I’m going to take it! Have a great weekend!
Ahhh haircuts abroad are terrifying! I had a serious hair fiasco here in Germany involving trying to dye my own hair (major fail) and ultimately travelled all the way to Frankfurt to get it fixed, lol! Luckily I found an American hair stylist who I felt confident explaining my situation to.
Phew, crisis averted! Glad you found an American stylist. Sometimes it’s nerve wracking to take a chance on someone but glad it all worked out!
I’m a total fan of using #5, I even use it on my boyfriend and he knows better.
Yup, totally with you there. It’s great for language mistakes, culture clashes and a whole lot more!
Ahah it is exactly the opposite for me 😀 I’m waiting to come back to France to go to the hair cut and to the dentist 😀 And I keep the Celsius on my phone 😀
Well, we’re very similar, Karine — just the exact inverse of each other 😉
Getting my hair cut is one of the most difficult things for an expat…I’ve lived in so many places and never built up a good relationship with a stylist and am forever having “issues”, and even though I’ve been in France for 18 years I’m still looking for a place I like!!! It’s not related to language, just me being difficult and probably having expectations that aren’t met (I guess I just don’t look like the model in the magazine!!!) And even after 18 years I still use #5, it’s a useful little trick! Thanks for linking up to #AllAboutFrance