A popular book that’s been making the rounds in parenting circles is called Bringing Up Bébé and asserts that French child rearing practices have a leg up on the American way of doing things — and you’ll raise a more well-rounded, polite and well-behaved child by doing it the French way. While I can’t speak to this directly since I 1) Don’t have kids and 2) Haven’t spent enough time with French kids to say, I can tell you one thing I’ve noticed about French children that stands in stark opposition to their American counterparts…
Read on for more on those well-behaved French children!
So first, if you’re interested in Pamela Druckerman’s book, the full title is Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting. Check it out if that’s your kind of thing.
Moving on, let me say that French children seem just like American kids. They have tantrums and freak out just as much as any kid around. But I will say they seem more culinary adventurous. Blue cheese? Why the heck not. A bit of pate or foie gras? Sure. Aside from eating habits though, here’s something that catches me by surprise every time when it comes to French kids.
French children will say a friendly bonjour to you when they pass you in the park.
It seems to be when they’re alone (cycling ahead of their family or running past you with a friend). The most common age group of the kids who greet me seems to be between 6-11 or so and it catches me off-guard every time. In the US, we teach kids about stranger danger and not to talk to people you don’t know. But here in France, it seems that la politesse rules and an obligatory bonjour is what kids are taught.
Do I seem safe to kids because I’m often alone and a relatively young female with a cute dog?
I’m not a big threat if you were to size me up. Or do those things not play into it at all? Would an older man without a dog also get a friendly bonjour? Maybe they’re friendlier here because I don’t live in a big, dangerous city. Hard to say. I will note that the kids who say hi don’t want anything more out of the interaction. They say it in passing and don’t stop to say anything further or pet Dagny. It just seems like one of those social niceties that kids are taught. Yet my American ears always do a double take and a quick “are they talking to me?” before responding with an equally friendly bonjour.
Kim says
I’ve spent a lot of time around French kids, and it’s true! They are SO well behaved! I rarely see French parents hire babysitters. Kids are generally brought along to restaurants and parties. The kids politely greet adults, play and occupy themselves, and eat whatever they are served while parents enjoy themselves. I think the distinction is that the US is a kid-centered culture, whereas French parents attend to their kids needs without compromising an adult-centered atmosphere.
Diane says
Interesting point about kid versus adult-centered cultures. It is true that French kids often behave nicely at restaurants and don’t have public tantrums as much as in the US. Maybe the book has a point.
Cheryl says
I was raised in a very adult-centric environment as were most of the people of my generation. This is how we used to raise children. Sadly, it has gotten completely turned around. Nice to know French children are still brought up with the right perspective.
Ze Coach says
Hello, I read this book and it’s famous around the French community here in Dallas, Texas (I’m French). Indeed, the author kind of says that French parents and French kids are great, which might explain why French people like this book so much… Though, I know some French people who told me they did not see that many difference between the way French raise their kids compared to Americans.
Now, I agreed with a few things in the book. Like French kids are taught to be patient. No snack, wait until lunch, until “le goûter”, until the dinner. Wait until adults are done with their conversation before asking anything.
Also, an American friend of mine was amazed how we could go to the restaurant with our young kids and they would stay quiet (and you know how long a French meal can last!).
Diane says
The parenting differences are fascinating — thank you for sharing your experience Ze Coach. And yes, the restaurant thing is a major difference. I only have experience with dogs, and if you let your dog beg at the table for food, and then give him food, he’ll always beg at the table. So I guess the French make the expectations clear and the kids figure it out from the get-go. I’m all for not having screaming kids everywhere when out to eat! Yay for the French
laurie says
Diane, any time take my two kids for a trial of French monsters…:-)
xx
laurie
Diane says
Hahha, thank you. They’d probably speak to me in German and I’d be all confused!
breadispain says
So glad you wrote on this – I’ve been curious as well. I frankly think it is rather silly but then again, I don’t have children either. All I do know is that I see plenty of awful children here in France and well-behaved ones in the US and vice-versa. I reckon it is more individual parenting than an actual culture…
Lionel from Paris says
You must have seen different kids from those I see, I witness French kids often screaming at the top of their lungs in public places and nobody seems to be giving a damn, so annoying.