Let me start off by saying I love living in France. I really do. So many things about living in France have changed my life for the better. We get one life to live and I am doing my best to make the most of mine. Remember, I chose to come here and I think that plays into my overall happiness. But we all have bad days. It’s not always easy adapting to a new place.
Here are the things I hate about living in France
(Not all are France-specific)
- You miss things from home. Duh. Friends having babies, birthdays and weddings all pass and seeing pictures of the events without you in them can make you teary-eyed. Even the mundane Starbucks runs and mall trips all seem so special now that you’re not there.
I even miss cans of pumpkin and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups! Life is a trade-off though and every decision has consequences. Although I know I made the right one in coming here, it’s not all good all the time.
11 Things I miss most from the U.S. after a decade in France >>
- You feel like an outsider in France. Maybe it’s the fact that people comment on you accent or the fact that I wear a North Face fleece to walk the dog, but it’s clear I’m not French on most days. It’s hard to make friends as an adult in a small town! Thank goodness for Tom and Dagny (husband and dog).
- It’s impossible to adapt to certain things that seem nuts. For example, why are stores closed daily for two hours at lunch, why do they close so EARLY in general , why is NOTHING open on Sundays?
- Not knowing what’s next. I like having a plan and while being spontaneous is fun as well, it can be anxiety inducing to just not know when/if you’re moving back (or somewhere else in France) and what happens next in terms of jobs and life in general. In your own country, having a plan seems so much easier.
- The constant challenge. This is mostly a good thing. Living in France forces me to push myself pretty much daily in terms of language learning, cultural expectations, and so much more. Most days I relish the challenge. But when life already has me down and I’m in a funk, the challenge is more of a hate thing. Sometimes you just want your day to be easy and as a foreigner abroad, that’s not often the case.
- When people speak English to you. Tourists find this helpful, but as someone who speaks French and busts her butt to improve, it can come across as insulting when the exchange turns to English. I know the French mean well and like to practice so I try not to take it personally (this gets on my last nerve).
No, I’m not talking about when someone asks where you’re from and then wants to speak a little English. I mean when someone just hears an accent and decides it would be better to speak in English although this person’s level of English is horrendous, and despite your responding in French every time, they persist in English. After the first few times (always in big cities), it gets so annoying. So now when this happens, I respond in French and say, “Sorry, I don’t understand. I don’t speak English.” This was more common my first couple of months here and now never happens out in the country, since most people don’t speak a decent level of English anyway.
- No one really understands what it’s like until they’ve been there, too. No, it’s not a vacation. Once the allure of a new place wears off, that “honeymoon” stage disappears too and France is just like any other place with its own share of problems. No, I’m not lucky to live in France. Luck had nothing to do with me moving here. It was a deliberate choice. And yes, it can make you homesick and feel isolated. Life in France is not a magical dreamland.
The point of this post (and reasons why I love being an expat in France) was to paint an accurate picture of the expat experience through my eyes. Most days are great (like they were back home), but these reasons are entirely valid as well.
I’m living in France as well (though I just got here) and I have to say I HATE when people talk to me in English. I’m working really hard to improve my French (and we’re in France, after all) so I would appreciate it if people would stop switching on me without asking!
It’s one thing if someone’s French is not up to par and switching to English would help the conversation along (assuming the other person’s English is good), but it’s an entirely different thing when someone is doing GREAT in French and the other person just switches to English because they 1) Want to practice/show off 2) Think it’ll be easier. Thankfully it doesn’t happen much where I live since a lot of people don’t know English, but when it does happen, I really just say sorry I don’t understand/don’t speak English… Glad you feel my pain! lol
Hi Ashely and Diana,
I share Diane’s view that probably they don’t do it on purpose and they only want to help. However, as you said, it can get really tedious and insulting after some months.
I’m not a native speaker of English and I’ve a very distinctive accent of my home country. Also, my level of French is very high. So, they don’t have the excuse that “they want to practice” or that “it’ll be easier”. But, still, they do it.
After getting into many arguments with them, some disrespectful ones even, I’ve reached the conclusion that they need to put people into boxes because they know very little about the outside world. When somebody has an accent that is not from the countries they have received immigration from, they believe that they only speak English and are in France temporally.
I know I shouldn’t take it personally and I should think that I can explain to them that not every foreigner is the same. But most of the time, I only manage to say very rude sentences, like “It’s better if we use French, your English is too bad”, “If you want to learn English, go to a English speaking country, like I did” or “You’re helping me not to integrate”.
I hope with globalisation they’ll start meeting othe people that don’t fit into predetermined boxes. And, like this, they’ll become more flexible.
This makes total sense to me. My only experience with France, beyond the French professor who told me I had an atrocious accent, is from the movies and history books. Sort of like New York, the city is magical to me and I never think about the reality of actually living there until I read (or hear) someone’s experience. So thanks for sharing.
Kimberly
Yah, a vacation and actually living abroad are two totally different things. It’s easy to see all of a city’s charms when you’re there for a month or less!
4 months living in France now and already I recognize this!!! (Good to know about the sales though)
The sales are definitely the highlight of January for me! You can get some really great deals if you have the patience to look around. Thx for commenting!
I’ve lived in France for 27 years, so I’m pretty used to most of what you mention. I have, however, just spend 6 months launching a publishing company in the US (www.lefrenchbook.com – great reads in English from French authors, might be of interest to expats), and as we prepare to return to France, I’m thinking I will truly miss being able to go to the store any day any time. I hadn’t actually thought about the sales thing, but now that you mention it… but, nonetheless, I will be happy to get back to my open-air market and to the foie gras.
Yeah, the 24/7 aspect of many places in the US, or at least late hours, are one of the things I miss the most. Doing a late-night Wegman’s run for ice cream or an early morning Target stop before Christmas never gets old. But in France? Forget it! I’ll have to check out your site!
Here in Dinan a Brit store, Burtons, has frequent large % off stuff and they give you generous bonuses on their carte de fidelité – womens and mens clothing. All the supermarkets here are open on Sunday mornings. The local Magasin Vert (gardening, clothes, animal stuff) is open on Sundays much of the year
Ah, I love Dinan, was there over the summer! And glad you get a nice discount at your local store. Things like that make all the crazy days a little bit better!
I totally relate to ALL of the above (apart from the Peanut Butter Cups – that must be a US thing… 😉 )!
I thought we’d struck lucky when we moved to the Alps in the summer and the supermarket was open on Sundays. Hurrah! It was only when we desperately needed cat food on a Sunday sometime in September that we found out that “out of season” hours are not 7j/7j. The cat went hungry for a day.
Good days and bad – I guess that’s what life’s all about, wherever you are in the world…?
Yup, you have to take the good with the bad because otherwise, it’s just a vacation or you’re kidding yourself. But I must say, the good days heavily outweigh the bad ones. So I’m OK with that. But a good vent session every now and again never hurt anyone, right? 😉 Thanks for commenting!
I’ve now lived in France for over 8 years. First in Paris and then now in the Languedoc region. I was already a foreigner in the US so I am not too shocked about being a foreigner here. I stopped missing a lot of the stuff I enjoyed in the US (of course never my friends), quite some time back. You actually learn to be more creative. Why get store bought BBQ sauce full of all sorts if chemicals when you can make your own. Same an be said for so many they things that I took pains to horde in my suitcase when I made more frequent trips back to the States.
I can’t keep calling myself an expat. For now I am here and here is home. We adjust. If you want to survive this world in general you have to be a chameleon. Adapt to your surroundings as best you can. But never forget where you came from or where you’ve been they all make you the bright colorful bird you are. Key is not to try too hard to recreate “home”. That’s one thing that the expat community does repeatedly. Yes, we should not discard the things that bring us comfort but trying to create little America or little England everywhere we go just further isolates us.
Thanks for the post!
Sage advice. France feels more like home every day — but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss my frozen yogurt! 😉 Thanks for stopping by!
Hi Diane, I am so glad just knowing someone else is feeling the same as me, at this point in time.
I asked the same questions like you about the closing hours during lunch etc., and may other things. It is very frustrating and sometimes I just want to jump back home, which is in Asia. Coming from a city, adapting in the country side of France is a real challenge.
Of course, mine is also a venting session but don’t we all need it once in a while. 🙂
Bon weekend!
Absolutely, nothing wrong with a good vent! I’ve come to learn that France is charming in its differences. They won’t change anytime soon so I might as well adapt. 😉 Have a good weekend too!
I now know for sure that France, or any French speaking territory is not the thing for me.
I’ve been living for 13 months next to Geneva on the French side.
It’s the small silly things: slow cashiers, the French way of sticking to certain rules and disregarding the others. And just the unwarranted pride in their country, especially with the current economy.
Aw, I’m sorry it’s not working out for you. Unfortunately, sometimes you have to try something to know it’s not right for you. Hopefully your next home will be a better fit. Thanks for stopping by!
I can definitely relate to your first 4 points Diane…common feelings amoungst most expats I would imagine. My hubby and I lived in tropical paradise on Koh Samui and whilst it sometimes seemed like a holiday, it really was not. As for English, we dream of someone, anyone being able to speak English to us in Taiwan 😉
Wow, Taiwan must have its own set of cultural differences you have to get used to. And no one speaks any English? That must be really hard. Well in our own way, we’re all in this together. Thanks for stopping by!
A lot of these really were true for me too. I really like your approach to the language issue, I’m going to try it. I also like your attitude about the “you’re so lucky” comment. I hear it almost everyday. It has nothing to do with luck, there are really bad things about living anywhere too!
Since I am in USA, believe me or not, my French friends or even some members of my family talk to me in English, (well they said some simple sentences) it is like if they forgot I am French! Really this pissed me off! But, to my opinion, I think some French people are happy to show you they ALSO know to speak English,even if they destroy the language, haha! I really enjoy and love reading your posts, Diane. This one particularly because, your story is almost like mine and even if I am an happy expat in USA, but I miss a lot my kids and granddaughter and I often cry in the night thinking about them!
I completely understand. Like you, I am content with my life in France but we’re only human and it’s hard sometimes because you do miss people and certain normal things from your home country. Sometimes I get upset too. You’re not alone.
Hey everyone, I have the impression that the French criticize all the time. I guess it could just be me. They find it impossible to accept that something, someone is different. Anyone think this?
Interesting opinion, Stella. I think you’ll find people like that everywhere — of all nationalities. I haven’t found this to be particularly true with the French. Are you French? Thx for stopping by!
I live in Spain and can relate to all of these. I lived in Seville a few years ago, now I live in Madrid, so the switching to English thing is very prevalent now and I hate it. As you said, it’s one thing to ask “Where are you from?” and at least pretend to have some interest in my “foreignness”, but when they essentially just want to practice their English, or want a free English class, it’s very irritating. I just keep responding in Spanish
I find it interesting that France also closes mid-day, since Spain is infamous for this.
Hi Revé, thanks for your comment. I’m a big fan of the Spanish siesta. The French don’t really nap midday but in smaller towns especially it’s common to see shops close for 2 hours. Can be inconvenient but at the same time, I see the point and its merits. Have a great weekend!
Bonjour!
So I am French but I’ve been living in the U.S for 18 years (and have a 15 yo daughter who was born in the U.S).
I’m going to go ahead and write in English here since it seems to logical, preferred language for this conversation: as weird as it may sound, I completely relate to what most of you shared about their experiences as expats in France, and even though I have been thinking of moving back (I am currently living in L.A), I am actually scared of that culture shock I’d have to go through moving back to my own country of origins! I have read many times French people have a hard time with ex-expats coming back after a long time living in a foreign country. In my case, they might consider me as an American, period. Even though I was born, raised and spent the first 30 years of my life in France, and my family is there as well. I have no issue being an American AND a French, but it would feel very rude for me to not being welcomed back and being put in a little box of “doesn’t belong here anymore”. If that makes sense. I certainly miss things from France, and hate things here in the U.S, but just as you all shared: it’s everywhere.
Whether we stay or eave or come back, moving in a different country, is always an experience that opens our mind and widens our view of the world. I think anywhere I live, I’m always trying to find the well-traveled, the multi-cultural communities, and the open-minded people, etc., so I don’t feel like I have to be a certain way to belong.
I think as expats, we are a very unique kind of population. Cheers 🙂