Fellow blogger Cosette of Stumble Down Under (has since stopped blogging) recently wrote a post on her blog titled They just Don’t Give A $@!# and it’s a post I wholeheartedly understood. It deals with something I had been feeling lately about Christmas in France. She sums up perfectly what I’ve been feeling lately about attitudes toward Christmas in France. And I don’t think you have to be an expat to identify with this post in some shape or form.
Read on for more about this bad Christmas in France attitude!
I’m in France for Christmas
I’m not going home for Christmas this year. It’s too expensive and too complicated with Dagny the dog. Staying here wouldn’t really be a problem if Christmas was a big spectacle for me in France complete with friends and holiday parties and special weekends of cookie baking and decorating. I’d at least feel like it was Christmas.
But Tom’s family just doesn’t celebrate much for whatever reason — maybe it’s not a bad Christmas attitude per se, but an indifferent one. When I explained to them how it would mean a lot to me if we did some Christmas things together, since it’s part of my American culture, they stared blankly at me. And if I wasn’t feeling bad enough about not going home before, I surely did now.
It hit me that if I wanted my French Christmas to be special, I’d have to really work hard to do it for myself.
(NOTE: Tom’s family is amazing, so generous and caring. They just don’t get Christmas the same way I do and DO IT UP BIG.)
Then last week, I read Cosette’s post and she perfectly articulated what I’d been noticing for a while now (but in her case, in Australia).
She writes,
Australians are laid back and that’s a great quality, but I really don’t understand the apathy towards some of the best opportunities for celebration life has to offer, moments of light and joy in a life that is otherwise filled with backbreaking work, stress, illness, separations, and despair. If Americans are over enthusiastic, and that is particularly expressed in their consumerism, Australians are at the opposite end of the spectrum.
Let me say now that I hope I’m never Down Under for Christmas. In my mind, being laid back and the “I don’t give a shit” attitude are very different things. A laid back person can still get excited about something — just maybe not in a screechy, jumpy, high strung kind of way. It’s exhibited through their drive and attitude, through actions and pure passion. Being laid back can be a great thing, but being completely indifferent? Yuck.
Get excited dammit!
Some people just don’t get excited about too much and that’s where the problem is. When you have nothing to get you out of bed in the morning, when nothing truly ignites a fire inside, it seems sad to me. Sad that the same old routine is enough for you. That complacency has become the norm.
Lack of excitement for the fun things, as subjective as they are, is so depressing to a holiday-loving American. Life is short. The holidays come once a year. They get me excited! They’re something different and something to celebrate.
And here’s a question: How can you just do the same old thing day after day with nothing to look forward to? Nothing to inspire you? For me, I LOVE DOGS. I love petting them, seeing them play, walking them, whatever. I’m dog obsessed, but I keep it under control most of the time. If I’m having a bad day, I just go to the park with Dagny and my mood is instantly lifted.
I love winter and Christmas. I love winter activities like ice skating and playing in the snow. This stuff makes me give a MAJOR shit. What about you?
Decorate like Lauren
My friend Lauren understands the importance of holidays. I can always count on her to have holiday decorations up (for every holiday!) well in advance and I like that. I like that she’s excited enough about SOMETHING to make the time and effort to pursue it. Around this time of year, maybe it’s baking cookies, listening to Christmas music, playing dreidl games or admiring all the neighbors’ decorations. Whatever it is for you, it’s something different and something special. And it’s not just about being an expat. There are probably people in your life that revel in their I Don’t Give A Shit attitude without even knowing it. And what’s the problem with that?
Cosette nails it and writes about this bad Christmas attitude,
The worst part is that indifference is just as infectious as enthusiasm. Just as someone can lift you up, they can knock you down. You can try doing things for yourself and your own happiness, but, when nobody around you gives a shit and they keep reminding you of that, it becomes isolating and depressing. I understand now why expats seek out other Americans. What they seek is support and camaraderie, others who will share in their excitement.
I think the French get special, in general. They have special foods and drinks and special bank holidays when they don’t have to work, and of course they love their special vacations and strikes. But Christmas in France? I don’t know if it’s the same. And that’s fine for them. Maybe they don’t know what they’re missing. But I certainly do.
Bye bye bad Christmas in France attitude
So what’s my brilliant plan? Starting now, I’m going to make Christmas in France special for myself one day at a time — because if I won’t, who will? No bad Christmas attitude here! I’m decorating, getting my holiday playlist in order, doing crafts, will bake cookies and will dress up Dagny in her Christmas sweater. And Tom will catch on and he will LOVE IT. Otherwise, Christmas might just pass me by — and that, friends, would be a crying shame.
What do you think of a “I don’t give a shit” attitude? Have you spent Christmas in France?
Thanks for reading my blog and finding a little inspiration in it so you could share your own experience. I agree with you that the indifference is a bit sad. It’s like there’s nothing special to look forward to, ever. I hope you make it a wonderful Christmas for yourself and those around you!
Thank you, Cosette. And if you were in France, I’d invite you over to make cookies! 😉
Hi Diane.As an Aussie,i was a little offended by Cosette’s generalisation that we don’t give a shit about Christmas…..OF COURSE WE DO.It’s not that we don’t get all excited,festive and in a “Christmas type of spirit” (having said that,as a nurse,and my husband also working in the hospital system,which means that we,more often than not,are working…we don’t get Christmasy and excited..it’s just another day.We also don’t have kids,so no little one’s to spoil and sing carols with.It is also a REALLY tragic day for my husband,who lost his mother as a very young child on Christmas day,so for that reason alone i try to make Christmas special ).It also has to be remembered that here in Oz, it is usually 40+ DEGREES OUTSIDE,SO TRY GETTING ALL SUPER HYPER WHEN IT’S SO HOT YOU COULD BOIL WATER ON THE DRIVEWAY…..NOT LIKELY.We do love Christmas,it’s just not “on steroids” style,and to remember that all countries celebrate their own way,and just because it’s not all “American and Griswald “,doesn’t make it that they don’t give a shit.If ever you DO decide to come down under and have a Christmas “Aussie style”,you ,hubby and Dagny would be more than welcome to enjoy Christmas (hey,i’ll even put up a tree for you.HAHAHAHAHA).
Hi Jacqui, thanks for sharing your point of view. I don’t think Cosette was trying to offend, just commenting on her experiences. I think as expats, it’s sometimes really easy to just see the differences (negative ones) especially during a time of a year when you have really high expectations (speaking for myself). I understand that each culture is different and that all families are different as well in terms of what they do for the holidays and that generalizations are exactly that. So I’ll give the Aussie Christmas a chance. And wow, 40 C, it would be so odd for me to have Christmas in sweltering weather. Have a wonderful holiday!
I don’t agree with Cosette at all….. I am an Australian too and we celebrate with family and friends. We have lots of Christmas decorations. Even where we live the whole town has christmas decorations, and Santa always come down the street to kiss children and hand out lollies and treats. All the shop windows are also beautifully decorated. I have actually spent Christmas in 4 different cities in Australia and find they all celebrate Christmas in a big way. Soooooo Cosette – don’t you have family or friends to celebrate with – maybe that is the problem? Come join my family with all the kids, cousins, uncles and aunties, brothers and sisters. … I am sure we can find a spare plate and chair for you! After all – it is the GIVING season !
Yup, I think individual personalities and families play into it big time. I’m sure there are tons of American families who do nothing special as well. Can you send your family to France Therese? I want a big Christmas! Thx for stopping by, happy holidays!
Hi Diane.It would be weird for me to have a Christmas in the freezing cold as well.Never known anything but sweltering heat (but i do,every year do the whole traditional English Christmas thing and do turkey,ham,chicken,pudding, roast veggies and the like (although you do want to die by the end of hours and hours of cooking,oven on and it being,yep,40+ outside ).And Diane….WHEN (and it is when,i swear) i come to Paris again,i will try and make it for a winter (brrrrr) as i would love to see what the French do for Christmas.And truly…..you hubby and cute Dagny can come over for dinner (Dagny,you and my Giorgio will have to work out between yourselves who gets what to eat…pending my Holly’s approval for you coming over at all.Holly is my kitten,and it is HER house,as she will let you know ).Merry Christmas,and kiss France for me )xo
I felt this while living in a little village in Provence a few years ago. I remember how excited I was for Christmas and the village was hosting a Christmas market. So they decorated. I’ll never forget Christmas Eve standing at the central street waiting for a ride – right next to me was the saddest looking crooked pin tree with about three ornaments and a few streamers that looked more like an old toilet papering than a “decorated Christmas tree.” Luckily I had just gotten back from a few days in Prague where Christmas was in full-gear. I’ve come to realize that the things that surprise us about another culture are often more of a reflection on our own. The article you mentioned about Australia supports this idea as well. American’s love to celebrate – wether it’s a new job, a birthday, a new home, etc a party must be had and the bigger the better (because we love big too). While the French might not have the same approach (while teaching English I had a hard time conveying to my French students that just because Thanksgiving was big, it didn’t necessarily mean we preferred it over Christmas – we prefer to have both), many families do celebrate in their own traditional ways.
That said, if you find yourself in this situation next year, I whole-heartedly recommend spending a weekend or more in a country that gets a bit more festive such as Germany, Austria, Czech Republic, etc. Until then I hope you find a way to share your American traditions with your French family, as well as your own ways to cherish the holidays.
Ha, that made me laugh about the sad tree. I see them all over! I love what you said about the observations of another culture are more of a reflection of our own. So true. It’s hard not to compare. I am accepting that French culture has major differences but I don’t think I’ll ever tone down my American celebration mentality. I would LOVE to go to Germany for Christmas. Maybe next year. Thx so much for commenting! Have a wonderful holiday season!
Yes, you should celebrate Christmas! They”ll wonder why you’re giving them gifts; and it’s best to give, right? It could be infectious.
This I must say, I cannot relate to at all. I grew up in France and strangely I’ve always felt that things felt very Christmassy. My town (Rennes) always puts lots of effort into decorating it with really cool light shows and decorations not just limited to the town centre. We also have a nice Christmas market. Then all my family and friends put a lot of effort into decorating their homes and we used to have craft activities centered around Christmas. My family also likes to spend time cooking Christmas related food. I think it is sad that your in-laws care so little about the Christmas spirit. But despite what you wrote and what seemed to be reflected in other people’s experience in France (mentioned above in the comments), I find it unfortunate and just to let you know that there are a lot of French people who put time and who enjoy making things feel christmassy. 🙂
Hi Anna, thanks for sharing the other side. 😉 My viewpoint is based on where I live and my husband’s family, so I’m happy to learn that some French families go all out for Christmas, more like what I’m used to in the US. I know not everyone is the same and that generalizations aren’t often fair, so again, thank you for reaffirming that the Christmas spirit is alive and well in France! Like everything, things are what we make of them, so I look forward to making a BIG CHRISTMAS once we move for 2013.
Oh my goodness, this is so spot on what I’ve been feeling lately, and even my husband feels the same way after celebrating holidays in America. And Cosette says it so perfectly “The worst part is that indifference is just as infectious as enthusiasm.” The hardest part is wanting to be excited about something and nobody else understanding that want/need for it.
When my husband and I were living in the States he would comment frequently about how excited people get over holidays, and not just Thanksgiving/Christmas. Like during Valentine’s Day if you go to Walmart, Target, or really any store, there’s tons and tons of Valentine’s Day cards, decorations, gifts, candy. I always felt like we have something to look forward to because of the way Americans celebrated holidays, any holidays.
Also birthdays are quite differently celebrated, at least between my family and my husband’s. No matter how old somebody turns in my family, we all get together for a dinner or even just cake and ice cream and hang out playing cards as a family or watch a movie. And it’s always a great fun night just being together. I don’t ever feel like it’s about “family time” here in France. Although I know that could be more about differences in families, not culture.
Such a great post though! Love reading posts that directly reflect my feelings as an expat!
Yea I think I miss the excitement. And it crosses over to other aspects of French life. Not that we need a Tom Cruise on the couch moment (when he was SO EXCITED about Katie Holmes on the Oprah Show) all the time but showing the excitement and letting everything else follow is special for me — even as an adult. Sometimes I need to shake my husband to tell him to GET EXCITED! Just a difference between the two cultures and not one I like. Another example, the day we moved into our new house, we had Tom’s parents come and they came in and got the grand tour. They were very calm and cool and I said COME ON GUYS, THIS IS FRICKIN’ AWESOME and may have jumped on the couch like Tom Cruise. I don’t remember. But anyway, back to this excitement thing, I think we can celebrate Christmas our way, set a good example and hope the French in our lives catch on. My parents are coming in two weeks so we’ll show my in laws what it’s all about 😉 Glad you enjoyed the post
Hi Diane, thanks for your opinion about Christmas in France.Though French, I think I’ve never seen it that way. I now live in Germany and can compare the two attitudes. It is true that pre-Christmas time might be more fun in Germany as in France but the thing that really puts me down is food. I will never get accustomed to having sausages and potato salad for Chrismas 🙁 I think the difference is that French people concentrate on food and the rest commes secondary 🙂 In Germany, they decorate a lot, have nice baking sessions and beautiful Christmas markets but they have also developed a kind of pre-Christmas stress which is kind of scary. It has become a kind of competition (the super woman who manages to get everything ready for Xmas (baking, presents, cooking, decorating,…) which is sad.
I’ve also lived in the States for a year and I must admit I was pretty confused with the american way of celebrating. To me, it appeared to be a little too much, kind of “exaggerated” sometimes, like for Valentine’s day. But at other times, the enthusiasm was quite contagious. And I think American people never lose their “child sight” I mean they can marvel about celebrations even when they are adults. French people think they are way too cool for that (and miss all the fun :-))
Let’s put it that way: my dream Christmas is a german pre-Christmas, an american celebration spirit a french christmas meal 🙂
I wish a merry Xmas.
Nadège
Hi Nadege, thanks for stopping by! I think you explained it perfectly about Americans that the enthusiasm is contagious and even exaggerated at times. And it’s true that food is important but probably comes secondary in the US (second to the parties and the decorating and the family times). And I’d totally feel the same way you do about the sausages and potato salad for Christmas in Germany. Not “Christmas food” at all! I like how you’ve summed it up with a little bit of each of the three worlds. Let’s do that next year! haha. Merry Christmas to you too!
I’m sad that you feel that way but I totally understand. Christmas in France is mostly centered on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with a lot of family time, food, Champagne and wine. For once, it’s not that we “don’t give a sh*t”, it’s just that a lot of French don’t know about other traditions. And certainly like their owns. And you know, it can be different, and sometimes disappointing too from a French family to another…
It’s changing though, but it will never be like it is in the US!
Have a merry French Christmas!
Sad to see the comments about unenthusiastic relatives who dont celebrate the festive season the way you used to. One of the things Ive noticed in a lot of your posts is that you seem to think that everyone should do things the way you are used to. Welcome to the real world. I moved from England to Australia & while Cosette says everyone is apathetic here I would tend to agree with a lot of that. However, the heat does play a large part in what one can do or not do during the hottest time of the year. I have air con & cook in a microwave the night before or while Im asleep so only the vegetables need cooking on the day. In lots of ways France is still a catholic country where the idea of Christmas is a solemn one with a minor celebratory event. Take heart, Im sure if you keep at it the French relatives (and friends) will realise that your place is where they want to let loose for major celebrations each year. As you make more friends & yes they might think you are weird, you will find everyone gravitates to your place for a good celebration no matter what time of year. Keep persisting, it does work in the end… 🙂