What it’s like having my mom back with me in diamond form

Losing my mom was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever gone through and I’ve been open with you about that, announcing her passing here (along with an update at the one-year mark). I also told you about the memorial diamond process with Eterneva that’s helping me heal. Wellllll, I’m so thrilled to report that MY MOM IS OFFICIALLY HOME! Her homecoming was a couple of months ago in March 2023 and I proudly have her with me every day now in the form of a diamond necklace.

To recap, my mom’s name was Christine and I started the memorial diamond process with Eterneva right after she passed away from cancer in October 2021. Typing that makes me shake my head in disbelief… WOW, has it already been 21 months that she has been gone?

The distance between October 4, 2021, and now brings me peace but also makes me sad. It brings me peace because time really does lessen the pain, but it makes me sad as well because it means my memories will fade, as they all do, and more and more will be made without her as time goes on.

The actual diamond was delivered in early March and it’s a round .66 carat blue diamond. I chose the color blue because it represents my mom’s love of water and the beach, boating, and fishing.

My mom also loved jewelry and I knew that making a memorial diamond was something I wanted to do to honor my mom right after she died. I know she’d 100% be down with the idea of making her ashes into a diamond.

After it was delivered, I then took the diamond to a local jeweler to have it set in a full white gold bezel on a sturdy chain that you see pictured above.

Every step of the way of turning my mom’s ashes into a diamond with Eterneva has been incredibly healing and I’m grateful for that. I was hoping that the cremation diamond process would bring me comfort and I’m so glad it has.

About the memorial diamond process with Eterneva

If you’ve never heard of a memorial diamond, also called a cremation diamond, it’s a beautiful way to honor a loved one and make a real diamond from the carbon in your loved one’s ashes. Cremation jewelry is such a beautiful way to honor a loved one and I knew from the moment my mom passed away that it was something I wanted to do.

With Eterneva, the focus is on the person and your healing. That’s something that sets the company apart — it’s not just a business transaction.

The process starts with a welcome kit they send you with a personalized video, sample gemstones so you can get a sense of what each size looks like, and a receptacle in which you place your loved ones ashes and send back to Eterneva.

Eterneva cremation diamonds come in a variety of colors and sizes and pricing starts at US$2,999.

Then once they have your ashes, the process begins and you’ll get regular updates along the way. They include personalized and narrated video clips so you can see what the processed ashes look like, the raw diamond before it’s cut and polished, etc. It’s all done with the utmost care and empathy. I explained the memorial diamond process with Eterneva in more detail here.

Something else that’s important to mention is that the ashes don’t have to be new – making a diamond from a loved one’s ashes is something you can do at any time – for a human or animal loved one. If I had the funds, I’d absolutely make another with Dagny’s ashes. She was our beloved dog who passed shortly after my mom and is missed every day too. ;-(

Another important point is that the diamond is an authentic lab grown diamond, so this isn’t a decorative piece of glass cremation jewelry with ashes inside or anything like that. It’s a real diamond with the exact makeup of a mined diamond. Before my mom passed away, I didn’t even know you could make a diamond from ashes!

Over a period of about 17 months, my mom’s ashes were transformed into a gorgeous diamond, gorgeous like my mom was. 

How it’s started to heal my grief

This whole process has brought my healing journey full circle and the necklace is allowing me to physically have my mom with me every day and celebrate her for the rest of my life. I couldn’t ask for more.

It almost feels like the necklace has always been there and it’s just a part of me now, not a necklace at all but an appendage I never wanted but knew I’d need.

The first big celebration with my mom was a recent cruise to Alaska with my dad in my mom’s honor. She always wanted to go to Alaska and now she has. That was the most meaningful trip I’ve ever taken.

One of the hardest things to come to terms with is the fact that my mom won’t be here, in human form atleast, to make any new memories with me. I get stuck on that and it’s still surreal she’s gone.

I acknowledge fully that she’s gone, though, so if my mom has to be dead and won’t be coming back, well, then having her here in diamond form is the next best thing. Though I’m not a religious person, I believe that her spirit lives on through me and that brings me peace. 

Having this diamond around my neck is comforting and I love that it’s a tangible object I can touch as I continue to remember my mom and all the good times we’ve had over the years and make new memories.

One of these moments on our Alaska trip was when we were on the Bering Sea Fishermen’s Tour (I talked more about the Alaska cruise here) and the guide threw bait into the water which attracted about 20 or so bald eagles.

They were flying so close to the boat and seeing these majestic birds up close in the wild, not in captivity somewhere, was a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

My dad and I were emotional about it. My mom was there with us in spirit and it brought me peace just being able to witness that and know my mom was with us.

How’s my grief now?

Of course, grief doesn’t ever leave. I’m still sad. Nothing will erase the pain of losing loved ones. You’ll always miss them. You incorporate the grief into who you are and learn how to keep going.

I think the biggest misconception out there about grief is that when you lose someone, you take private time to grieve and then you’re good, so to speak, and get back to your life all healed up and ready to be your same old self again. 

It’s so far from the truth it’s laughable I ever believed that. Grief doesn’t work like that at all. It’s always there. You always miss them. I’m still a thought away from tears most of the time. If I linger too long on a picture of Dagny or my mom, I have to force myself to stop or I’ll lose it.

It’s so important to me to put the universal experience of grief out in the open because it’s not shameful to be emotional or sad. Grieving shouldn’t be taboo or thought of as a finite period that you “recover” from.

Truth be told, some days are worse than others, but the good news is that the grief is not a front and center searing pain like it was in the early days. I know this memorial diamond process has helped lift some of the grief, so thank you to Eterneva and my family who made it possible.

As I mentioned, the process took about 17 months from start to finish, and knowing I had something to look forward to at each stage comforted me, knowing that at the end, I’d have my mom home with me again — just in diamond form.

On the hardest days along the way, I’d remind myself that the memorial diamond was in the works and it helped me to keep going and focus on the fact that my mom would be home with me soon enough.

If you’re reading this post, I want to say that I honestly appreciate it. Words can’t even convey what it means to me that you’ve followed this grief journey. Whether you’ve lost someone, are in the process of it, or are just curious, I want to thank you for being here and send you love.

To be honest with you, the 10-years-ago version of me probably would have skipped over a blogger’s grief content thinking it wasn’t something I’d get anything out of and I would have scrolled past. Maybe I would have read some of it out of curiosity. It’s not that I wouldn’t have cared, but I don’t think I was in the right headspace and life space to be open to that sort of content then.

I certainly wouldn’t have sent anyone I didn’t know a condolences DM then or left a comment on Instagram or FB. Now I know better and realize just how needed each and every comment is during that first year. And forever, really. It’s better to say something. To connect. To be human. That’s what we all are behind our screens.

Thank you again for every single supportive word. I wasn’t always able to reply (I still am not even able to re-read my grief blog posts) but know they were all read and appreciated.

Honestly, as cheesy as it sounds, through all of this mess of losing multiple loved ones in rather quick succession, I think I’ve come out on top in a lot of ways. It’s been a process, but I can confidently say that the lessons from grief and dying have made me a better version of myself.

Of course, I’d have loved to have learned them without the death part, but hey, that’s life sometimes. Having my mom with me now in memorial diamond form is a testament to her love and mine that will live on.

If you’ve lost a loved one and something I’ve said here has spoken to you, definitely check out Eterneva for more information and have a look at my other grief content:

It’s been 1 week since my mom died

Why I’m making a diamond from my mom’s ashes

It’s been 1 year since my mom died

5 Surprising side effects of grief I didn’t expect

11 Little things that helped me deal with grief this past year (plus a personal update)

Life lessons from 10 years of blogging and a personal update

Also, for anyone new here, yes, you’re still in the right place. 😉 Here on my blog and on my YouTube channel, I predominantly talk about French culture, France, and the living abroad experience, but Oui In France is also an extension of me, Diane, the person behind the blog and channel. You’ll get a bit of a mixed bag sometimes.

Grief has been a huge part of my life the past couple of years and it’s something we’ll all experience sooner or later. I wanted to be open and share this personal side of things. Thank you again for letting me do that. Sending you all a hug!

xx,

Diane

 

Disclosure: Thank you to Eterneva for partnering with me for this post. All opinions are my own.